Pre-match

It was a mild, sunny day when BUFC's finest set off for Fort Nekker to routinely collect fortune, glory and a bag filled with 3 points. The only questions remaining : by how much would they beat Ettekijs and who would score ?

Due to the 2nds' manpower shortage (it's hard to find the right staff these days), Thomas volunteered to help them out.

Mr Tonge (again suffering from a hangover) his striking resemblance with Dave Harris was confusing many. Captain Costella, repeatedly mixing his name up.

Line-up

Goal : James
Defense : Marc, Chris, Tony, Alex
Midfield : Ray, Dale, Jon, Roger
Attack : Wim, George
Sub : Ahmed (in for Wim at ½ time)

1st half

Although it quickly became apparent Ettekijs weren't gonna be the walkover we expected, the first 15 minutes of the game saw some good chances for the red-and-blues.

Roger engaged in a header duel in the box and the deflected ball came to Wim, whose shot went just wide.

Minutes later, Tony neatly dropped the ball over the opposition's defense, leaving the Belgian striker (clearly in offside) to storm towards the goal. The potholed pitch left him with only 1 option, though : lob the keeper, which he did, but unfortunately too soft, so the goalie just managed to get his fingertips to it.

Ettekijs tried to break out whenever they could, though, and on l of their counterattacks, their Nr 9 received the ball, took on Marc and, quickly realizing there was no point even thinking about getting past him, unleashed a hard shot that left James without a chance : 1-0 !

BUFC came close to equalising minutes later, when a break on the left saw the ball come to Dave, but his shot went wide.

Things really went pear-shaped when their Nr 9 - him again - went past 2 defenders in our box to beat James from close range : 2-0 !

When Wim was shouldercharged to the ground just outside the box and the ref - 1 meter away - pretended to have seen nothing, the frustrated striker (apparently still in need of some anger management therapy) charged into his opponent in a revenge action worthy of a red card. Luckily, he got off with only a yellow.

2nd half

At half time, Tony gave the team a verbal thrashing and announced some changes in a desperate attempt to turn the tide : Ahmed replaced Wim in what was a straightforward swap and Marc would be moving from leftback more into midfield, leaving 3 at the back.

A daring but logical tactical change, given the precarious situation we were finding ourselves in, but unfortunately one that didn't produce the desired effect. Despite a lot of goodwill, we never really looked like we were gonna score, while our 3-man defense sometimes left us exposed at the back.

On one of our rare forays into the opposition box, Ahmed saw the ball cleared in corner just before he could have a crack at goal.

All hopes were crushed when their No 9 yet again ran towards our defense and fired home another unstoppable bullet : 3-0 !

United were spared further humiliation when James deflected a cross that would've gone in hadn't Marc (or Ray or someone else …. sorry, your reporter was having a chat on the sidelines and didn't see the whole action) headed it away just before the line.

When one of the Ettekijs players - several meters offside - was allowed to continue, Tony rendered a frantic tap dance that could've landed him a role in Lord of the Dance had Michael Flatley been watching, but the ref, unimpressed (or too out of breath to blow his whistle), let the play go on. Luckily, a good run out of his goal by James made the opponent go too wide to still be able to make something out of it. The final whistle left BUFC pondering their fate and wondering what the hell had just happened.

Post-match

Armwrestling : The captain's up-to-date tasks list revealed either Ahmed or Wim would have to write this game's report, but due to little interest from either, the lads decided to have the 2 strikers armwrestle it out.

Chairs were put aside, a table was cleared and pintjes were removed from the danger zone. Ray - reliving his days in the Irish underworld - professionally reffed the game … that was never really a game : it took Ahmed "Genghis" Khan roughly about 5 seconds to beat the man with the matchstick arms.

Drinking contest : In the canteen afterwards, the girls were pretty chuffed with their performance that day (losing only 1-2 to the league leaders due to a penalty awarded for a dive outside the box) and were celebrating by taking turns downing pintjes 'ad fundum'.

The lads, although impressed, decided to show the ladies who the best drinkers really were and a very enthusiastic Thomas decided to put his money were his mouth was, in what could turn out to be a key coming-of-age moment in his life.

Two chairs were positioned in front of the bar, mobile phone cameras were held in the air, cheers and screams filled the canteen, Ray put a crate of beer bottles on our table in anticipation of our upcoming victory's celebration … and on the chairs stepped a frail kid and a slightly less frail woman.

The countdown began and in a roaring ambiance, 2 hands brought 2 glasses to 2 pairs of lips and The Kid and The Woman began pouring the alcohol down their throats. Roughly 5 seconds later Thomas finished, about half a second… after The Woman !

To be fair, the BUFC lady did spill quite some beer over her tits, but nonetheless, victory was theirs, and laughter and mockery were our share.

Thomas promised to practise for a rematch in 2 weeks' time though, which is probably why his dad is wondering why on earth the beers in his fridge have to be refilled several times a day.

Man of the Match : 1. MARC; 2. Dale (aka Dave); 3. Alex and someone else
Spot the ball : James
Missed sitter : Wim maybe but not 'punished' since unwritten club rules have it you need to be able to actually down the beer in less than 2 minutes without stopping more than 5 times
Yellow card : Wim, but not written down on the sheet by the ref after threatening to expose his paedophile past

Final thoughts

So where did it all go wrong then ? Why do we alternate fantastic performances against top teams (cfr the Caves Artois game) with atrocious games against bottom teams ?

Well, underestimation of the opponent maybe. No doubt Chenois will be as motivated against us come Saturday as we are when we play the likes of Caves, so if we wanna get something out of this game, we'll have to get on the pitch thinking they will be so much better than their position in the league would have us believe.

And if for nothing else, let's do it for Dale, our Man of the Match regular who will be playing his final game before buggering off to London again !