Italians do it better (both sides...)
By Francesca and Ana

Introduction

Before passing to the report of the match, I want to say that I have never had the intention to write a report of one of our matches for several reasons but when Frances (or Caragh?) had the splendid idea of giving me this task I thought that it was my occasion to finally understand at least the 50% of what is written in these reports. Then I took advantage of Ana being in the toilet to tell her at her return that WE Latinos had been charged of it. Not because I wanted to exploit her perfect English (see below her message to Sook) but because after every single match, for days and days and days, she explains to me how she did that pass, what happened in a certain action, what we should have done in another way, what was good, what was wrong etc. etc. Plus all the comments from her father to whom she is explaining the matches by phone the day after. That is why I was counting on her help. It was clear to me I made a big mistake at the end of the match, when I interviewed her on her own goal and she admitted she had no idea how she had scored it....

We also argued on how to share responsibilities (both were ready to write about what happened in the changing room, and none of us was able to write about what happened during the match). I was about to give up when Ana committed both of us world wide by writing to Sook: "Sook, sorry I did not send u an sms about the match but I did nt have credit on my mobile...ups... but now worries...Franci and msyelf are writting a suepr match report...:)"

So, Sook, NOW worry: we have wriTTTen the match report and it is SUEPR...

The title

The first disagreement was on the title. She proposed: BUFC LADIES AGAINST THE 'UNTOUCHABLES' KORTENAKEN - The pinguin strategy. According to her, a "so-called ' pinguin strategy'" does exist (I guess she means "penguin"). Copy-paste from her part of the report dealing with our tactic : "Actually the only player smiling at this tactic was Franci, who would feel much secure with a pinguins wall of ten players covering her door." (yes, of course it would be safer to have 10 penguins standing in front of my home....) "For the rest of us, Catenaccio would mean a lot of sacrifice, concentration, accurancy and discipline; and, on top of that, a tremendous teamwork, the so-called ' pinguin strategy'." I have been trying to explain these British girls how "catenaccio" would have improved our performances for ages (at least 4 years) and I am not going to waste this occasion to celebrate the Italian way of playing football. That's why I adopted another title which wants to praise the most amazing, effective, concrete, successful football tactic ever: CATENACCIO (which becomes "catenacho" in Ramster's mails, and "cazzo" in Cora's ones).

Now that it is done, no way I call it: "the pinguin strategy"!!!!

Let's go on... (writing this report is a nightmare....)

The changing room

Before passing to the report of the match (it should be clear at this point that I have no idea about the match), let's see what happened in the changing room. I think I can use some of Ana's text: "This beautiful winter Saturday the ladies were facing 'kortenaken', a team that has been unbeaten in the whole season, a team that has won the last 3 leagues, a team that beat us 7-1 last Autumn...., in definitive, we were facing ' the untouchables' kortenaken. In the changing-room no room thus for discussing on Frances' tortoise poo, on Ana's warm underwear, or on Franci's last dinner of 1 chicken on her own (no skin though). In the mind of the girls only one idea, only one goal, only one word (weirdly pronounced from the more paled sector), A VERY BIG WORD' ' CATENACCIO'. We were going to play in our lucky pitch and Maaike got from Aine's wash machine a lucky Irish treble on her socks that would help her to give the most important pass of the match.... Apart of that, the morning was just beautiful, sunny and open" (mmm, what about playing in a "close" morning?) "and the grass, the grass was just perfect to play against any team but the 'untouchables'. Maybe, we thought, a little bit of mud would have help us to slow down their game, since those were precisely the instructions given by captain Caragh, who would make a terrific match together with captain Ramster, whilst captain Tish would be in la bella Italia. In fact, she was only tasting the Italian genuine flavour in a tomato-mozzarella sandwich at Charleroi..."

Perfect. I have to admit that I was quite proud about how my British/Irish/Dutch/Portuguese etc. pupils had finally understood the Italian lesson of football: slow down, clear the ball as far as possible from the pitch, try to lose as much time as possible with the throw-in and the goal-kicks, make some faults at the level of the mild of the field (not really bad faults, just to cause a little bit of pain...). This is great football! Forget this non-sense British/Irish aptitude like nice passes, perfect triangles, long crosses or whatever it is...

Unfortunately I did not add another small, minor tip: the Italian Golden Rule of Football. I did not because I thought it would have not been fair.... This was the big mistake (you will read it later why....)!!!!

Not only we decided all together about the tactic (all together apart from Ana who was again in the toilet) but we also agreed on our goal: first objective was a draw, then - second option - we should not loose by more than 2-0. I agreed enthusiastically even if I had not a key why "2" and not "3" for example. I have just been informed from Caragh that they had scored 97 goals so we didn't want them to get 100th against us).

Again from Ana's report: "So, after the wide instructions of the captains and a 'fear' warming up, the referee called us...'On, no!!'...'Not him, again!'....' The Skeletor!'...." (to be read: Skeleton) "For those who are not yet familiar with this referee, just to tell you he is a man who would not need a radiography to properly see his bones, but would need a telescopic to see properly a game. We, naively, thought though that in a match with the 'untouchables' a wrong decision from the referee would not change ' la trayectoria de los aconteciemientos'...." This "trayectoria" means "the course of the events". I would like to add that the referee will from now on be referred to in this report as il vecchio rincoglionito (just a nice way to say to a person of a certain age with problem of senile dementia that maybe he should better stay home).

The match

Here we are. No more excuses or things to say... Luckily - a good example of how here in the Commission we are good in working with tight deadlines - Caragh has just sent me some few bullet points on what happened (this is the 50% of the report which I will not understand). I will abuse of them.

So, in the first half we closed them down and didn't give them much space.

As the goalie I had almost nothing to do (apart from picking two balls up from the net) because the defence was great: a solid wall of brave and rude players (with Amos performing a series of "Super Bowl style" tackles and Jacquie not leaving a single centimetre to the opponent. Ram and Rachel, holding "big bird", were simply impeccable), the midfielders were amazing for their spirit of sacrifice (I was almost to burst into tears looking at them stopping every ball and protecting the defence - Caragh was everywhere, the tackles of Maaike and Alessandra were incredible, Frances and Amanda running on wings up and down without taking any break), the striker (yes, finally she is a striker...) was also unbelievable for being capable of creating the panic in their defence. Only after 15 minutes, they had their chance that was well finished (probably I was more concentrating on how to describe the action rather than on saving that ball). They thought it was just the beginning and more goals would follow but we "answered them" within 2 minutes and equalised. The masterpiece: lovely ball through from Maaike to Ana, who took a few touches of control and with pace beat her defender and finished it amazingly (at very small angle) into bottom right hand corner of goal - amazing goal and finish (even though everyone was telling her to shoot 3 seconds before she did). We went on perfectly supported by the rest of the troop (Kelli, Helen and Aine) and an enthusiastic public.

One negative note: during the break there was an attempt to sabotage the catenaccio approach from Alessandra (clearly instigated by her boyfriend Claudio). Luckily I could manage to suppress the mutiny at the very beginning but the first ten minutes of the second half we made passes, triangles, crosses, and Ramster was often telling the defence to go up and up and up. Up? We were supposed to be 14 in the box! I was very patient and let my own mates enjoy a little bit.... but do not want to see this non-sense tactic again... Some highlights for the second half: the vecchio rincoglionito whistled everything in favour of "the untouchables", even when there was a soft foul on Ana as she made a run past a defender and he did not call it. There were hardly any chances for them and again really a game where their possession was stopped from the midfield... Only 10 minutes to go. Amos run along side their number 14 trying to clear the ball out. A spectacular dive and shout (anyone would have thought she was trying to win an Oscar with that performance) and then the player rolls into the box. The vecchio rincoglionito whistles and arrives on scene to see cheating number 14 down and in the box he points to the penalty spot. She gets up and smiles saying to Caragh as she was shaking my head at her "It was a nice dive though, wasn't it!". Caragh told her she should be ashamed of herself to which she replied that "it's not my fault, it's the referee that made the decision"... I was astonished: WE were playing the Italian style, WE were supposed to enforce the Golden Rule of the Italian Football: whenever you suffer a fault (or even if you do not suffer it at all) play the victim well, it has to look like a tragedy like you have been almost killed, roll on the ground, scream, cry, roll again on the ground, tear your own hairs, scream and cry again and finally stealthily look at the referee. When he has whistle, just stand up, take the ball and kick the penalty. Here we come back to the terrible mistake I did in the changing room when I hesitated about teaching the Golden Rule because I thought it would have been not fair!!!! Then their goalie converted the penalty 1-2. Now it was the turn of the "untouchables" to go on playing the Italian way: slow down, clear the ball far away, always complain with the referee etc. Nevertheless we had something to show. Our next 2 attacks, if the vecchio rincoglionito was being in any way consistent, should have ended in showing 2 Kortenacken players carded and 2 very nicely placed free kicks!! Amanda had a lovely run down the wing, a few shimmies and drives to top left hand corner of 18 yard box, and was taken down just outside the box - clear foul, but the vecchio rincoglionito signaled to play on; and one of their defenders tried and undressed Ana as a ball came through from midfield (probably Caragh?!) but of course the vecchio rincoglionito saw nothing - should have been a free kick just outside box and a yellow or even red card.

The moral

Both sides play the Italian way (of course by "both sides" in the title I was meaning "both team", what did you think????), it would have been better if Kortenacken had played the "pinguin strategy"....

The man of the match and the revenge

Ok. We are now in the pub where Ana is unanimously crowned as the queen of the match (well deserved), followed by Ramster (and Frances) and Rachel. The disappointment is high, even if we know we have been perfect (Coach, you would have been proud of us), we were spoilt with the treat of chocolate penguins (lot of calories but better than cannibalize the "big bird" from Kortenaken..) but it is not still finished. A 16 year old guy from the 3rd team challenged us that he could down a beer in one quicker than any one of us. We could not loose that one! Hazel would have been precious of course but again.... Italians do it better!!!!! By the way, quite a funny experience to gulp a glass of beer in less than 3 seconds from the mouth and feeling it going out from the nose at the same time...